The words we never sent
still deserve to be heard.

Thank you for not leaving when I gave you every reason to.

Some days the loneliness is so loud I cant hear anything else.

where did you go? I know you existed at some point. There are photos. I just cant remember what it felt like to be you. If youre still in there somewhere, could you maybe come back?

Your kid fell and you scooped her up so fast and just held her. No "youre fine" or "stop crying." Just held her while she cried. Thats good parenting. She is lucky.

You survived that year. I know you didnt think you would. But you did.

You probably dont remember me. I was in your office for like 12 minutes. You said "this isnt your fault" and I hadnt even told you what happened yet. Its been 8 years. I still think about that.

its 4am and im thinking about how everyone i love is going to die someday and how i should probably tell them i love them more often but instead im lying here staring at the ceiling. brains are weird.

I didnt understand your choices until life put me in the same corner. Im sorry for every raised eyebrow. Every careful silence. You were surviving. I should have seen that.

You were so brave. You just didnt know it yet.

You gave up your career so I could have mine. I didnt understand that until I had to choose between a promotion and being there for my kid. I chose what you chose. I get it now.

I dream in Spanish when I miss you. I cant speak it well anymore and that feels like losing you twice. I should have practiced more when you were still here to correct me.

You asked me if I wanted to grab lunch and I panicked and said I already ate. I hadnt. I was literally starving. My brain just short circuits around you and I hate it so much.

girl. GIRL. put the phone down. do not send that text. i know you think its a good idea at midnight but it is NOT. love, future you who had to deal with the consequences

I cried last night and I dont even know why. Just hit me out of nowhere. I almost called one of you but didnt wanna be weird about it. This is the closest ill get to saying it I guess.

I rehearsed this message a hundred times. None of the versions were brave enough.

I wonder if theyre looking at you too right now.

Can you please shut up for like five minutes. Im begging you.

The loudest people in the room arent the ones hurting the most. Trust me.

I was crying in your backseat at 2am and you didnt say a word. You just changed the music to something soft and turned the volume up a little. That was exactly what I needed.

You always order for me when I freeze up at restaurants. You do it so casually like its nothing. But for someone with anxiety that bad, its everything. Thank you for never making it a thing.

You showed up today even when nobody asked you to. Respect.

Mom used to take us to the beach every summer. I can still taste the salt and feel the sunburn. She cant remember my name anymore but I bet she remembers the sound of the waves. I hope she does.

You spelled my name wrong on the cup again. Its fine. At this point its kind of our thing. I come in for the coffee but mostly for the 10 seconds where you smile at me.

I cancelled on you so many times that you stopped inviting me. I dont blame you. But every cancellation was anxiety not apathy. I wanted to come. I just couldnt.

I keep almost texting you every time something funny happens. Like today this pigeon walked into the coffee shop and just stood there judging everyone and all I could think was youd have named it. You name everything. I miss that about you.

I stormed out of Thanksgiving and never apologized. Three years now. Every November I think about calling but the silence has gotten so big I dont know how to break it.

remember when we ate cereal for dinner for like 3 weeks straight because we were too broke for real food? Those were objectively terrible times but I swear Ive never laughed harder in my life

you complimented my earrings yesterday and i literally have not stopped thinking about it. i wanted to say something back but my brain just went blank. you had the nicest smile

Our families would never approve and we both know it. But when you looked at me at Roshans wedding I swear everyone else disappeared. I dont know what to do with that.

i’m so sorry for every time i hurt you, and for every terrible thing i’ve done to you. but when you push me over the edge and i get upset one time you can’t get mad, ignore me, then pretend nothing happened next time you see me. i have a really big secret to tell you but now im just scared you’ll do this again or completely block me out. i still love u, but please see my pain